For Lazy or Uninspired Men to Give Their Girlfriends or Wives
Looking for the perfect way to say “I love you” to your significant other this Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re too broke to buy a decent Hallmark card. Maybe your identity was recently stolen and you’ve sworn off all online-shopping. Well, at least you’re smart enough to realize that women adore personalized love poems almost as much as diamonds and weddings and chocolate and James Bond. But you’re not William Effing Shakespeare! Great love poems don’t just write themselves! That’s why I’ve done most of the work for you. Just call me Wilma Effing Shakespeare. Print this page, fill in the blanks, and then recopy the entire poem in your own handwriting before presenting it to your sweetheart. Happy Valentine’s Day!
To My Dearest _______________,
You are the most ______________ woman I know
I cannot imagine _______________ without you
When I look into your _____________ eyes, I see _____________
I am transported to ______________ every time we kiss
And when we ______________ , I feel that I am the luckiest man alive.
I need you like a ________________ needs his/her/its _______________
I will never stop ________________ing you
You have the sexiest ______________ I have ever seen
Seriously, your ______________ is/are even hotter than _____________’s!
Like ______________ and _____________, we belong together forever
I fall in love with you all over again every time you ________________
I will never forget the way you ______________ in that ______________ dress
Or the way you ________________ when I ________________ you.
Remember the ________________ and the _________________?
The best night of my life was the night we __________________ until dawn
I’ll always cherish my memories of your ____________________
And I cannot wait to _______________ with you.
You, _______________, are my one true love
Happy Valentine’s Day, _________________ !
I filled in the blanks with some possible responses. Here is the result—a truly unique, romantic, special Valentine’s Day love poem:
To My Dearest Wilma,
You are the most fascinating, intelligent, exquisitely gorgeous woman I know
I cannot imagine binge-watching Stranger Things without you
When I look into your vibrant, turquoise eyes, I see strength, wisdom, and passion
I am transported to nirvana every time we kiss
And when we wash dishes together, I feel that I am the luckiest man alive.
I need you like a dog needs its favorite chew toy
I will never stop worshiping you
You have the sexiest nose I have ever seen
Seriously, your ears are even hotter than Martin Short’s!
Like Bud and Weiser, we belong together forever
I fall in love with you all over again every time you cook me lasagna
I will never forget the way you bounced in that black halter dress
Or the way you rolled your eyes when I proposed to you
Remember the Alamo and the skating rink?
The best night of my life was the night we played Monopoly until dawn
I’ll always cherish my memories of your hair clogging the shower drain
And I cannot wait to travel to Mars and back with you.
You, Wilma, are my one true love
Happy Valentine’s Day, Angel Breath!
Now that you’ve seen how easy it is, what are you waiting for? Fill in the blanks, and give your lucky girlfriend, wife, or mistress the perfect Valentine’s Day love poem she’s always dreamed of!