Fill-in-the-Blank Valentine’s Day Love Poem

For Lazy or Uninspired Men to Give Their Girlfriends or Wives Looking for the perfect way to say “I love you” to your significant other this Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re too broke to buy a decent Hallmark card. Maybe you’re too lazy to drive to Hallmark or too antisocial to deal with those pesky, perky… Continue reading Fill-in-the-Blank Valentine’s Day Love Poem

Grinchy Christmas Musings and a Holiday Party to Remember

I was looking forward to impressing all of you with a heartfelt blog about how I found my Christmas spirit this year. Grinch No More! Maria the Reformed Elf Welcomes her 40th Christmas with a Renewed Sense of Peace and Love for All Humanity! Ah, if only. I don’t know what it will take to… Continue reading Grinchy Christmas Musings and a Holiday Party to Remember

Star Wars: The Last Jedi – Introduction to Another Creepy Love Story?

Star Wars: Episode VIII Movie Review — Are Rey and Kylo Ren (Ben Solo) Destined to Become Tragic Lovers? Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Star Wars: Episode VIII—whatever you want to call it—opened last week and has already made a gazillion-jillion-quillion dollars, and your geeky best friends have already seen it five times, at least.… Continue reading Star Wars: The Last Jedi – Introduction to Another Creepy Love Story?

Where Did Mommy Hide My Christmas Presents?

A Guide for Curious Children Hi, kids! I’m very sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to find your hidden Christmas presents. Moms and dads are so annoying. Don’t you hate how they leave you with a boring babysitter and go shopping for hours and hours, and then hide your new stuff while you’re… Continue reading Where Did Mommy Hide My Christmas Presents?

More Drabble, Less Babble

Reflections on My First Month of Blogging Hooray! My blog baby, Popcorn and Pigtails (Poppy Pig? Piggy Pop?), is one month old! Awww, she’s so cute and tiny and clueless, but sometimes she smiles at me, and I swear it isn’t gas. I am thrilled to have this itty-bitty space—a little room of my own… Continue reading More Drabble, Less Babble

Zach’s Seven Easy Steps to Ferrari Ownership

How My 8-Year-Old Son Plans to Buy a Ferrari When He Turns 16 “Will you be really proud of me when I get a Ferrari?” my eight-year-old son asked me the other day. In typical motherly fashion, I replied, “I’ll be proud of you no matter what kind of car you drive.” But I was… Continue reading Zach’s Seven Easy Steps to Ferrari Ownership

How Do You Rate on the F.R.I.E.N.D. Scale? Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, and (In)Decency

This is not a warm and fuzzy friendship quiz. This is a hilarious rant cleverly disguised as a lighthearted personality inventory. Think for a moment: The last time I was out trying on clothes in a department store fitting room, how did I behave? Keep track of your answers to the following statements, or scroll… Continue reading How Do You Rate on the F.R.I.E.N.D. Scale? Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, and (In)Decency