How Do You Rate on the F.R.I.E.N.D. Scale? Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, and (In)Decency

This is not a warm and fuzzy friendship quiz. This is a hilarious rant cleverly disguised as a lighthearted personality inventory. Think for a moment: The last time I was out trying on clothes in a department store fitting room, how did I behave? Keep track of your answers to the following statements, or scroll… Continue reading How Do You Rate on the F.R.I.E.N.D. Scale? Fitting Room Intelligence, Etiquette, and (In)Decency

Are You Really Ready to Marry a Star Wars Geek?

I’ve been married to a Star Wars geek for seventeen years now. Before you tie the knot with a man who daydreams about lightsaber duels, wears Boba Fett T-shirts, and has a dog named “Salacious Crumb,” here are some important things to consider. Where will all his Star Wars stuff go? Is your boyfriend an… Continue reading Are You Really Ready to Marry a Star Wars Geek?

The Unexpected Perks of Parenthood

Breakfast in Bed, Halloween in July, and More My kids are generous to a fault. They never stop giving me unforgettable gifts. Never! For my birthday, my kids made me the cutest, sweetest birthday cards, and they sang “Happy Birthday” to me before I was even out of bed. How nice! Little did I know that… Continue reading The Unexpected Perks of Parenthood

Detective Mom and the Case of the Missing Shoe

1:27 P.M.  Mom notices that one of her daughter’s pink-and-white tennis shoes is still missing.  She knows exactly where she found the other shoe yesterday, so she rechecks the area behind the laundry basket in the master bedroom.  Mom gets down on her hands and knees to peer under the dresser, instantly transforming into Detective Mom.… Continue reading Detective Mom and the Case of the Missing Shoe

M.O.O.C.H. Holds Annual Pre-Halloween Meeting, Discusses “Is It Immoral to Steal Halloween Candy from Our Children?”

Mothers of Obnoxious Candy Hoarders (M.O.O.C.H.) met last Monday in Shawnee, Kansas, to prepare for Halloween. Rachel Sanders, 34, and her best friend, Amy Jarvis, 32, founded M.O.O.C.H. in 2015 to save their children from the harmful physical and psychological side effects of eating too much candy. “All that sugar shouldn’t be inflicted on our… Continue reading M.O.O.C.H. Holds Annual Pre-Halloween Meeting, Discusses “Is It Immoral to Steal Halloween Candy from Our Children?”

Why “Popcorn and Pigtails”? Why Now?

Welcome to my shiny new blog! You’re probably here by mistake. I’m so sorry to disappoint you. You were innocently searching for popcorn recipes or a cute new hairstyle for your daughter, and you pulled THIS–some weird lady’s obnoxious blog–out of Google’s grab bag instead. Oops! Don’t feel bad. We’ve all done it. I once… Continue reading Why “Popcorn and Pigtails”? Why Now?